I know, I know, I haven’t blogged for a while… you missed me? Awww… If you didn’t well boo hoo.
I’m about to talk about something that will step on a lot of toes, corns and farms, but I find that it’s quite necessary. I’m talking bout
ma clique! Chivalry.
Some argue that it’s dead. Some (like me) say it’s not, and intend to be chivalrous until their dying day. You may be wondering, “really? Chivalry still exists in 2013?” You better believe it. As long as I’m alive, it does.
I actually had intended to write about this for a while now, actually made the draft and everything weeks ago, but it turns out its a good thing I didn’t, as I’ve been freshly armed with new insight and other opinions on this ever controversial topic.
A couple weeks ago, I took the bus with daddy from New Kingston to go home. This was in the 5 o clock bells so you know most people would be leaving work. The bus was pretty empty when we got on, but as the journey went on, it became filled very quickly, and of course there were more women than men. Soon all the seats were gone and only standing room was left. There were two particularly chatty ladies behind my seat and as we came to another stop, some women came in (daddy was asleep by this time so don’t judge him–he’s old). Instinctively I motioned to one of them asking if she wanted to sit and she gladly accepted. The two ladies stopped in mid conversation, mouths agape, and eyes widened in awe, like they had just witnessed the zombie apocalypse. Wasn’t a big deal to me, it’s something I always do, you know, being the gentleman I am.
<—- If I lived in the 15th century, who knows, maybe this would be me! This is a little drastic though but I'd like to think of myself as that guy 😀
There was however another occasion, devoid of the bus this time, when after choir practice, a friend of mine who was traveling from Mandeville had two pretty sizable bags with her. I was talking to her about something, and for some weird reason it didn’t occur to me to offer to help carry one of her bags. Imagine my surprise to hear her and a couple of the ladies from the choir cussing about how all the men
tan bad and were the scum of the earth just walked past and none offered to help.
You know who did feel a way? THIS GUY —–>
I actually apologized to her about it, you know, seeing that she kinda has a little spot inna mi heart, and now guys reading must be saying, “yute! yaa ediat?! Apologize fi wah?!” Clearly we have different convictions. Like I said before, this is how I view myself when it comes on to chivalry:
|(I’d prolly have a helmet that allows her to see my face and winning smile though, just sayin’)|
Now, for the crux of the matter!
In this day and age, is chivalry really necessary? Opening doors, paying the bill (as a man) if you go on a date, lending her your jacket if she’s cold–that stuff; should we still do that? On Monday, February 11, 2013, I was in the back of a bus and posted this status on Facebook based on what I observed at the time:
There are compelling arguments to be made for both sides. Personally, I’ve always thought that I should treat women special, not because I want anything, or because mi a luk dem, but because I believe we really are a little stronger physically, so we can bear a little discomfort to make y’all happy, especially for all the good stuff (most) women have done and will continue to do. Men have always been seen (by themselves and by women) as the providers in homes, and even though this has changed drastically, I think it is still a part of our nature to want to be like that and to look out for our women. Maybe I’m stupid or just stuck in the old ways of life, but I’m okay with that.
Some women take this thing too far though. Like they are God’s gifts to man and should be waited on hand and foot. Hear mi a seh nuh, mi nuh deh pan dat. To my Facebook status update about hating to see men sit around a woman in a bus with no regard to her, a friend of mine commented saying saying, “offer your seat… no matter how far u r”. Ummm… sure, if I’m on the back seat why not bawl out to someone in the front to push past everybody to come where I am and I bore up to the front where she was? Especially if she’s surrounded by other men? Dat nuh mek no sense. I don’t think that’s a reasonable expectation. Maybe a man who is close by would just kiss him teet and tek di seat. Frankly, for her to even say that kinda annoys me. And I am Mr. Seat Giver Upper Man! I hate standing in buses yet I do it anyway.
Check out the Merriam Webster definition of ‘chivalrous’. It’s showing gracious courtesy and generosity, mostly because you can. I still intend to open doors for women, and give up my seat on buses or other places, walk in front of them going down a flight of stairs or behind them going up. I intend to be chivalrous because it feels good, not because I think I’m required to. Some women will appreciate it, some won’t, but if I was doing it for appreciation, I woulda stop long time. People say chivalry is dead; if I was doing it for appreciation, I woulda been the one who killed it!
As I told my friend in our bbm convo, its different strokes for different folks. I don’t think chivalry will ever fully be dead, but I agree, the world has changed and it might not be seen as important as it once was. Men and women are for the most part now considered equal.
I digress though, guys shouldn’t have to pay the bill on every date, cause that’s just selfish to me, especially if you (as woman) have the means to do it sometimes. Sometimes.
This picture is what I live by, but maybe most of you think like my friend Vondane: “Chivalry died when female independence got life”. Perhaps chivalry (in this day and age) is like Roman numerals, unnecessary. But come to think of it, they’re still used 🙂
You know the drill! If you think I’m some chauvinist pig or I’ve possibly opened your eyes to a side of chivalry you’ve never thought about before, comment below, whether you agree, disagree or you’re ambivalent. If you read this from Facebook or Twitter, you can always comment there, or if you wanna shoot me an email to talk about stuff privately, feel free to hit me up at: firstname.lastname@example.org